Tought times are upon me #2

I've a friend in Sweden, she told me a story once. It was about when she was a small child, and about her mother. 

This friend was a very easy child, like an angel until one day. Her mother thought that she was possessed by a devil, as she turned from an angel, to a devil. 

I always thought that was a weird story. How in the hell could she believe that, possessed by a devil. 

But I understand. Today I understand. Today I've cried almost like a small child. As I don't know what to do, or how to do anything. 

Bigger doubt about myself in the role as a mother, I've never had. Maybe I'm not that good mother that I try to be. 

Maybe I don't give her as much as she needs, as everything I do just  turn wrong. 

And somewhere I hear the voice of people saying that it's just a phase, if I keep being strong it will just pass and she will be good. 

But how easy is it to be strong and keep it up, when there aren't anyone to turn to. no one to ask for help and some hours or a day of relief, to get energy and power to keep doing the nice things, and keep the calm voice when being with her. 

Today I've been hit, pinched, kicked, screamed at, thrown things on. ( Have a big bump on my fore head.)