This is the end!

So dear readers. 

I feel it's time to start something new. 

I feel it's time to take this a step higher. To a name I really feel good with, with a logo that I like. With a facebook page as everyone else. 

I want to succeed in this, and I need to do it just a bit more professional. 

So from today and onwards this blog will be no more. 

Visit me on my new blog, with my new name, new layout but the same me :)

www.mankasfashion.blogspot.com

I also have a new web address 

www.manka.nu

and facebook page

www.facebook.com/mankasfahion

go in and hit LIKE

Gosh

I'm getting stressed. Stressed, stressed, stressed. 

Everywhere I see, or hear or read now a days there are talk about children. 

And about 2 year old children that are using IPADs, Android phones, computers. Children that barley can write are chatting and using Facebook. 

Talks about preschools and kindergarten to children not even big enough to talk. That they should learn languages and need to SOCIALIZE, SOCIALIZE, SOCIALIZE. 

And it get's me very stressed. I don't believe in all these things. 

Take your child to the park, instead of using your damn iphone and it will socialize. Take your child to some swimming lesson or singing group and they will have so much stimulation that it's enough. 

All this press on the children, already from before they are out.

I always need to stand strong and defend my idea that day care and preschools are nothing my child will be in. I don't beleive in it. 

If it's so important to socialize in a organized day care group, well then our foundation of this world is really weak as none of our parent did go to one. How did they turned out? Rather OK? 

And all the people before that, didn't the manage?

Or have humanity been lost in translation, until the day, day care was invented? 

WOW

How stupid I can be sometimes. 

Today I been doing nothing. We went to the market and got out veggies and fruits for the week. After that it haven't happen anything. I been lying in the sofa, doing what? 

watching Grand design, nothing else, reading some blogs. Fine to start with,  but after some time big bored and started to feel bit stressed. 

Why on earth am I lying here, just doing nothing. Wasting time, when I could clean, sew, run or do anything. 

My husband playing and hanging out with the Little girl, making me not need to think about her either. 

Gosh  I was stressed and starting to get bored and turning almost angry, as we where just in the house doing NOTHING. 

Interrupting my husband, nagging that we should do something, anything that we just can't be inside. Yes it's dark but we can't stop live. 

And I don't know, in a split of a second I heard myself, and stopped and thought. Thought about all the times when I thought about just lying in the sofa for the day, watching movies and doing nothing else. What I have been tired of all the cleaning and sewing and fixing, wishing the husband to take the girl out so I can just be here, watching movies. 

Why what the hell am I complaining for_?!?!?

Yes that hit me, what am I complaining for, I can actually do this I wanted for AGES. 

So I decided to be fine with it, went back in the sofa, got more comfy and will continue see GRAND DESIGN. 

We have a responsibility!

I have been thinking of this so much. We are standing in front of a environmental disaster and this makes a difference, and also we need to start think of other people in the world. People are suffering and I do believe that it can turn really bad, not just for them but for all of us. 

And I felt so glad when I read this, that we are people that are thinking, and please let us be more!
Hannasvirrvarr


Shopping on the cheap chains. We actually have a responsibility and it does matter if we support or do not support them. When a garment does not cost more than a lunch, it's quite certain that all the people in the chain didn't receive fair compensation. That is just the truth. We can close our eyes, go with the flow, think that we ourselves can not affect the great injustice system, but the truth is that it actually does matter whether we buy or not. We choose our self. There are many options.

(Google translated it)

Thoughts

Today I was supposed to go and clean in a flat, but I feel run over by a train. 

So had to cancel, will try Thursday instead. 

I will sit and sew today then, :)

I just bought a lot of supplies to the machine, to make it bit easier and faster to sew. 

And some books, for inspiration, and I think that one can never be fully thought in sewing, or any profession, and always need to read and learn new things. 

Also thinking of starting up a "real" company, anyone that know about it, trying to find information but I don't really know czech language, so can't really find ant good info. 

Also thinking that I will change my name. I think that I have used this name for a while, but still don't feel for it. I think that it'a a sign that it might be a good idea, to find the name that will be MINE. 

eating animals

Is a book I read, just resent. I started last year, but I couldn't really finish. Was to much going on with baby, job, etc etc. 

So I read it now and It's really good. 

I was vegetarian for many many years, until I stopped as I had the biggest cravings for meat. When "turned" meat eater again I almost stopped eating vegetables, it was all meat meat meat. 

Until some years ago, when I thought that eating all that meat can't be to good for me, or for you. 

Today we eat mainly vegetables, actually. I like to have some meat once in a while, and my husband is from Bolivia, so only eat vegetables is almost impossible :)

In the word vegetables, I do include peas, lentils, beans and so on. 

I think this book is a very good thing to read. To be honest, today I have no moral thing, against eating animals, it's manly in environmental thing that I want to skip it. 

I think that if they are treated "good", I've got nothing against it. It's the "factory farming" I really dislike, the use of antibiotics, not when the animals are sick but just because I am against. 

That the animals can't live "normally" and that the waist that comes from these "farms" are toxic and there are not to big regulations on what to do with it. and the AMOUNT. 

One sentence from this book have really stayed in my mind, and I think we should all think about it:

"When we eat factory-farm meat we live, literally, on tortured flesh. Increasingly, that tortured flesh is becoming our own"    

PT, Baby gym and fixing clothes

I wrote about me wanting a PT, some time ago, as I don't really know how to work out, and how much, and when etc etc. 

And now I got one! I am very VERY excited to have this girl. 

I have made so much progress since I started to work out regularly. Now it will be even better, and more visible changes.  

Today we went to a "baby gym", my girl and I. Terrible, TERRIBLE, she was not in the mood. She was terrified, screamed, cried, kicked, jumped away.
I was furiously angry when we left, upset that she had misbehaved so much. Had bad lunch and was angry and upset, until I came home, had a coffee and sat by the sewing machine. 

Then I relaxed and could see it from her point of view. 

First time, new things, new people, close to nap time and lunch time. 

So not so strange. The instructor gave us a new trial time, which was so lovely to do. So thursday we'll try again. 

And while she was sleeping, and I sewing I redid a sweater, ugly old sweater that I never used. Now it's nice, and funky and much more cool. 

Will show tomorrow, when light is better and I can take a picture. 

What have you done today?

Tought times are upon me #2

I've a friend in Sweden, she told me a story once. It was about when she was a small child, and about her mother. 

This friend was a very easy child, like an angel until one day. Her mother thought that she was possessed by a devil, as she turned from an angel, to a devil. 

I always thought that was a weird story. How in the hell could she believe that, possessed by a devil. 

But I understand. Today I understand. Today I've cried almost like a small child. As I don't know what to do, or how to do anything. 

Bigger doubt about myself in the role as a mother, I've never had. Maybe I'm not that good mother that I try to be. 

Maybe I don't give her as much as she needs, as everything I do just  turn wrong. 

And somewhere I hear the voice of people saying that it's just a phase, if I keep being strong it will just pass and she will be good. 

But how easy is it to be strong and keep it up, when there aren't anyone to turn to. no one to ask for help and some hours or a day of relief, to get energy and power to keep doing the nice things, and keep the calm voice when being with her. 

Today I've been hit, pinched, kicked, screamed at, thrown things on. ( Have a big bump on my fore head.)

Wish list.

I really want all of these things.

Not exactly these specific brands. But these things, I am in need of them. 

Barley have a phone today.

My computer has a ridiculous small hard drive. 40 GB, can't store anything.  

Well I have no camera. Need one. Also I would like a photo course. But need the camera first. 

Have a rug, and for that rug I need this thing. It's the best, a rug sweeper. 

An overlock sewing machine. cool

Adjustable mannequin. Also Cool.  

Will try to get the camera and mannequin first.

No I'm of to the swimming pool!

Leprechaun

I have one at home. At first I was just thinking about it, as a funny thing. As my things are just disappearing.But I think I start to believe it more and more. 

I go and by buttons, they disappear. I get zippers, they are gone. I bought a new seam ripper. I took it home, and never sew it again. 

Now I've looked in the entire flat, lifted all things more then once, but no. Nothing that I'm looking fore, are to find. 

The things disappearing, is a sign, that he doesn't want us here?

Uninspired

tired, hungry,

nausea,  emotional, have I been the last week and half. 

If I didn't know better, I would think I was pregnant. 

But no. 

Maybe need to go and check my blood level. 

Terribly tired. 

Outside cinema

Yesterday evening, we spent outside. Means summer isn't gone. We went to one of the parks in Vinohrady and watched a movie. 

Was very nice, rather romantic. 

The little girl sleeping in the stroller, all dressed up in blankets. 

Us sitting sipping a beer, watching the movie. 

And all for free!

Fantastic city!

The tough times are upon me

Working out has been so fun for me. Each time I've felt as I improved and was able to do more then the last time. 

Which is so much fun. And it gives me the motivation to continue. 

I want to see how much better I can do since last time!

Until now. Not the tough times are upon me. Yesterday was the first time, that I felt I didn't want to swim. The first time that it was REALLY REALLY hard to do anything. It went slow, it was tough. And just no fun. 

In my head I tell myself that it has to be tough, how can I ever get better if it's just fun and easy. 

But what the brain says and what I do are two different things. 

I know that this has happened before, and it was just when this feeling came, that I started to have days that I didn't need to do anything. Days I needed to rest. And wops, all of a sudden I didn't do anything for 2 months, and needed to start all over again. 

I'm tired of this, I'm tired of this. I'M TIRED OF THIS. 

I want to have a true and sustainable change in being. 

I want this to be good. 

I've done exercises more or less since our travels in Bolivia last year. So I have improved A LOT from what I did before. 

But it's the "more or less" that I don't like. 

I want it to just be more. No less. All the time. I want it to just be a part of who I am. Nothing else. 

So now it's just the time to be tough, hard and set my goal. 

And keep to it. yayayayaya. 

Tough times are upon me.  

to drink or not to drink

that's the question. 

I did a lap jogging, without having my energy drink. And it didn't really do as well as I hoped. 

Now I'm a bit beaten. Maybe it wasn't me that was actually good, it was just the drink before that made me feel good. 

I also wonder if anyone has any tip of exercises that I could do. Here I'm talking about things that do not cost like hell.

Or even better if anyone knows someone that want to be a PT. They can use me as "before and after" if they want. 

If they can make me fit, they can make anyone fit. 

Of course as it would be a benefit for us both it would be in the good nature that the cost would be low, or nothing.

And something totally different. 

I'm thinking of donation eggs, for science. I think that is a good thing to do. I also want to donate my organs, when I die and want to give blood. 

Does anyone knows whom I should contact regarding these questions. 

Well not the donation thing right now, but the two other questions. 

Anyone?    

All my mothers

When I was a kid, a small girl. Can't been more then 7, I had three mothers. 

One, my mother

second, my god mother

third, a woman that was a family friend. 

Sometimes I just couldn't decide which one of them that I loved the most. I have this really strong memory, it was when my youngest sister got baptist. 

For one second I was in the arms of mother, but then I remembered the god mother and had to run to her, and then the other woman was there and needed to run to her. 

And like that I kept going on, as I felt an equally strong love to them all. 

The third woman moved to Africa, and I remembered that my biggest wish was to go and visit them. always looked forward for their visits, as I finally would meet her again. 

And while they still lived in Sweden I just sometimes joined them, to their home, as I wanted to be with her. 

Some of the gifts, I still have with me, standing in the window. 

The second one, she always came and saw me on my birthday, or gave me a gift. 

We went to mass, and she went there as well. When we where old enough, my parents asked us all if we wanted to continue to join for the mass, or if we wanted to stay home. 

I always came, but only to see her. It was a comfort to have her close. 

Was always happy when she came ans saw us. 

When I was 13 the second mother died. I went to the funeral all alone. And I will never forget that, one one at all to be comfort from. No one of the people there, asking who I was, what I did there and how I was. This small little girl. 

And the third woman less and less came to visit. 

And I was so often sad about it, as she was fantastic. 

I have a child, I have a child that have other woman, and men as well, very close. 

I will try to have them in her life. I want to be able to call her "aunt and uncles" and be with them. 

I want all to be her family, as it was wonderful to have my three mothers. 

  

Anniversary II

Two years ago my husband was going to have a birthday party. His birthday is the 18th of august, but he wanted to wait until the weekend to celebrate it, so we would have the part the 21st. 

The day came, and I had a bit silly feeling about it. first as my husband wanted me to get some new nice dress. Go to the hairdresser, new shoes and be all pretty. 

He had get some really new nice clothes and I did think he looked beautiful, but a bit to much for a birthday party.

I also felt bad, as I hadn't prepared anything for the party, we where gonna have it in a friends place. AS I was pregnant, and shouldn't think of cleaning up and preparing anything.

But felt stupid. 

The morning came and we had nice breakfast and I bought him flowers. It was his birthday celebrations day. 

I called a friend to see if she could help me go to a hairdresser and get my hair done. All in last minute. 

She manage the thing and also a makeup artist. 

I thought that was bit to silly, as it actually only was a birthday party. 

I went to hairdresser, got my makeup done and came home to get dressed as we where tight on schedule. Something that my husband never really cared about before. 

He wanted a walk in the park before, as he thought we where so pretty and we should show it to people. 

As we walked out, I thought I looked silly. Somehow I was all dressed in white, and it was a bit to much I thought. Come on, it was just a bday part!

As we came to the park, bu feet had already swollen to double size and I was incredible thirsty. 

I started to nag och my husband, as I needed water and that we went wrong way. To go to his friend we needed to go the other way. 

I nagged and nagged, until the point that I was almost to angry and wanted to shout at him that we went wrong, my feet hurt and I was to warm. 

Then I saw them. 

Sergio's friends, and mine as well. 

What did my friend from Geneva do here in Prague?

What did the paople do there in the park at all.We where supposed to meet them in a flat. We changed to plan, we're gonna have a pic nic?

Why where there music there. And all was so nice dressed. 

And there was a white alter there. 

What was going on??

It was my wedding day!

I just didn't know about it! 

:D

It was the most beautiful thing that anyone ever done to me. And it was the most beautiful wedding!

We went to restaurant to have some cheese plates and champagne.

The traditional czech soup, where you have to feed the partner. 

It was a magical day. As when we wanted to make a toast, the boats where honking, as if they knew and wanted to greet us. 

When we left the restaurant, the fire works light up the sky, as if it was planned. 

And the taxi driver in the mornig gave us a horse shoe, as for the good luck. 

It's hanging over our door, as a memory and good luck. 

A memory if a beautiful day, that I think will be in all our heart for ever. 

Thank You My Love. 

I Love YOU

Cleaning

Yesterday I came home, after 6 hours of cleaning and hours of food shopping, completely dead. 
I didn't have any energy left what so ever, I felt sick weak, just awful. 

As you see I do cleaning as well. What do I not do? :D

I spent hours on a floor, thought that it could be a good idea to do some proper floor care. 
Moping, impregnating,polishing. 
I just manage 2 floors, as it takes for ever to do all the steps and it's tiring to lie on the floor doing these things. 
And about one hours scrubbing a sofa, trying to make it white again. 

Hope that the floors and the sofa was noticed!


So if you are in need of help with cleaning.

One time cleaning: 170 czk an hour
Reoccurring cleaning: 150 czk an hour. 
Windows cleaning:100-200 per window pair. 
(200 czk is the old 3 meters high windows)

If interested contact me on maria@maria-madgalena.com
or 775314807

  

The voice

Is very important. With the voice we do communicate and let people know what we want and feel. 

he hard thing though is that we do have different tones on our voices. 

Apparently I have a very hard and harsh tone. More then one time, has my friends asks me if I'm angry at them. As it sounds like that in the phone. 

And I try to think about it, as it's not to good to sound like that. 

And apparently is't troubling for my husband as well, still after 3 years he can't understand that it's my voice. And it's starting to be rather enough for me as well. 

AS I do not think it's fun to always be " accused" if being angry and bitchy. 

So what to do, I try to think about it, as much as possible, but it's hard to change my voice. I can remember it one second but when talking my natural one is just coming.

According to me, I talked in a nice way. To others I sounded angry. 

Im getting to tired of hearing this all the time. 

      

Tired

Today I saw an older woman on the tram, she was sleeping. 

Or at least resting her eyes, being tired. 

Then I started thinking about it. Can't really tell how it was when I was small, but from 11 years I just wanted to sleep. 

Then during the teenage years, I could sleep for days. 

Then I started to work, and all I remember is that I wanted to sleep, and was tired. When having a day free I slept. 

Then I moved here, and it didn't go better. I was Constantly  tired, from to much parting, to little sleep and work on that. 

Then I got pregnant, did it get better? No, not at all. Worse, the pregnancy was like a sleeping pill. So went on being tired. 

And now then? Is it better? Can't really say so, being a mother is rather tough, and doing all that needs to be done in a home and playing with my child. 

It's just hard and I'm tired. 

And it looked on this older woman, that it will not change. To be tired. 

So when actually will I not feel tired. 

Ever???

:) :) :)

Slightly bit of panic

In three months, my parental leave ends. It means that I will have no more money from the state. 

2 years of solid income is now over. 

I also have no work to return to, as the company are in the progress of moving to Manila. 

(That they might regret today, as the flooding are really bad)

So My husband and I decided that I will do this. This means all the things I do today. 

But now I need to do it and earn money of it. And as far off earning money I could say that the only steady income will be cleaning. As I also do. 

But part from that, I will do designing, tailoring, furniture reconstruction, interior styling/decoration. 

And earn money. 

And it gives me slightly bit of panic. 

That soon we'll only be on one salary, trying to manage. What if I never earn anything, what if I fail in it all? 

The big shame, in trying but failing. Needing to go and find a "real" job. I don't want that. 

As that gives me even more panic. I juat ordered a new sewing machine, with the hope that it will be repaid, with the things I sell. 

With my job. And I Panic over, that it just might not happen. 

Oh gosh.